Divorce Counselling - Leone Centre

Divorce can be a difficult and emotional journey, marking the end of a partnership and leaving many feeling lost and uncertain about the future.

It can be hard to imagine a new life after a relationship that once meant so much. But it’s important to remember that the end of a marriage is not the end of the story. It’s a new chapter, an opportunity for growth, healing, and the chance to build a new and fulfilling life.

Beyond Divorce: The End of a Story and the Beginning of a New One

Divorce may mark the end of a chapter in one’s life, but it also signifies the beginning of a new one. It may be painful, but it also opens the door to new possibilities, new perspectives, and opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Embracing the end of a marriage is the first step towards healing and creating a new, fulfilling life.

The Emotional Impact of Divorce

Divorce can have a significant emotional impact on individuals. It can bring up feelings of loss, grief, sadness, anger, and disappointment. The end of a marriage can be a traumatic event and cause a sense of identity crisis, as the individual may have defined themselves as part of a couple for a long time. Divorce can also cause emotional distress, such as depression, anxiety, and stress. It can also affect the individual’s self-esteem and self-worth.

It can be challenging for some people to accept that the relationship has ended, and they may feel guilty, ashamed or blame themselves.

Children also can be impacted emotionally needing help and support during the process of divorce; they may feel confused, anxious, and worried about the future. They may also feel they have to choose sides and blame themselves for the separation.

Emotional healing takes time, and it’s essential to be patient with the process. It’s important to seek the help of a therapist or counsellor to work through the emotions and feelings that come with divorce. They can help individuals develop coping strategies, work through unresolved issues, and gain insight into their thoughts and behaviours. It’s important to remember that healing is a journey. With the proper support, individuals can move on to a happier and healthier life.

Paving The Way For New Beginnings After Divorce

Some ways to find hope and purpose after the end of a marriage:

I. Accepting the end of the marriage: The first step in building a new life after divorce is to accept the end of the marriage. It’s important to grieve the loss and process the emotions that come with the end of a relationship. But it’s also important to remember that holding on to the past only keeps us trapped in our grief. We must allow ourselves to feel sadness, anger, and disappointment and look towards the future. Letting go of the past is vital to making space for new possibilities.

II. Letting go of the past: The past can shape our perceptions and attitudes towards new relationships. It’s essential to let go of past hurt and negative patterns that may be holding us back from moving forward. This can involve forgiveness, but it doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting or condoning past actions. It’s about letting go of the pain and finding peace. It’s about understanding that the past does not define our present or future.

III. Embracing change: Change can be scary, but it can also be a powerful opportunity for growth. Divorce marks the end of one chapter in our lives and the beginning of a new one. Embracing change means being open to new possibilities, perspectives, and ways of living. It’s about taking risks and not being afraid to try new things. It’s about finding the courage to step out of our comfort zone and discover new passions, hobbies, and places.

IV. Finding support: Navigating the divorce process can be a lonely and isolating experience. It’s essential to find help from friends, family, and professionals during this time. Building a support system can provide validation and understanding, which can be hard to find elsewhere. It can also offer practical help, such as therapy and support groups. It’s essential to remember that we don’t have to go through this alone.

V. Moving forward: As we move forward, taking care of ourselves is essential. It’s also vital to practice self-care and self-compassion. This means being kind to ourselves and being patient with the healing process. It’s important to remember that healing takes time and is a journey, not a destination. It’s about finding hope and purpose in the future, learning from the past and becoming a better version of ourselves.

Counselling Helps to Find New Narratives After Divorce

Counselling can be a valuable tool for individuals going through a divorce as it can help them find a new narrative for their lives. A therapist can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for individuals to process their emotions and work through any unresolved issues from the past that may be impacting their ability to move on.

Through counselling, individuals can gain insight into their thoughts and behaviours and develop new coping strategies to manage the emotional challenges of divorce. They can also learn to communicate effectively, set boundaries and develop a shared understanding of the reasons for the separation.

Counselling can also help individuals redefine their identity and find a new sense of purpose and direction in life. It can provide support and guidance as individuals navigate the practical aspects of the divorce, such as child custody and property division, in a way that is respectful and fair for both parties.

For those who have children, counselling can also be an important tool in helping them understand and cope with the changes in their family structure, and work on co-parenting in a healthy way.

Furthermore, counselling can also help individuals to find a new narrative for their lives, one that is empowering and allows them to heal, rather than one that keeps them trapped in feelings of victimization. It can help individuals to understand how their past relationships have shaped their present and how to create healthier relationships in the future.

In conclusion, counselling can be an effective tool for individuals going through a divorce as it can provide support, guidance and tools to help them navigate this transformative time in a way that is respectful, healthy and empowering, and find a new narrative for their lives.

Conclusion: Divorce can be a difficult and emotional journey, but it’s also an opportunity for growth, healing and building a new and fulfilling life. It’s about accepting the end of the marriage, letting go of the past, embracing change, finding support, and moving forward with hope and purpose. Remember, the end of a marriage is not the end of the story; it’s a new chapter, a chance to start over and create a life that is even more beautiful than before.

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Divorce and separation are not failures, in the same way as longevity is not an indicator of a successful marriage. When things reach a breaking point in a relationship, our first instinct might be to reach for the phone number of a divorce lawyer.

However, even when things seem insurmountable, there can be real value in seeking the advice and experience of a counsellor. Divorce counselling, marriage counselling before divorce and post-divorce counselling have helped many people to adjust and move on.

Sometimes relationships run their course.

It is not just desirable but also possible to end a marriage with grace and respect.

Divorce and separation cause stress and anxiety for partners, children and families. It can be a good investment in the future to work things through counselling rather than to focus on lawyers, creating a battleground solely.

divorce pic — Separation need not be a battle or failure

Divorce Counselling versus Marriage Counselling

Divorce Counselling starts with the realisation that a marriage is no longer tenable. By contrast, the aim of Marriage Counselling is to see whether there is anything to salvage in the relationship, to rebuild love and trust and keep the union together.

At Leone Centre, we respect the decision you have reached that separation or divorce is the best solution for you. However, we will talk through all the implications and likely outcomes of such a separation to help ensure that you are confident you’ve made the right decision.

Alone or Together

You may already be separated and potentially no longer on speaking terms with your partner or not.

Divorce Counselling can work with individuals or couples to form a workable plan that minimizes trauma and, in particular, limits the suffering of any children within the relationship.

It is a holistic therapeutic approach that addresses the complex and painful knot of emotions as well as the practical challenges that accrue from a relationship that’s ending.

What Counselling Can Address

Divorce counselling can cover the following areas, depending on what’s most important to specific clients:

Loss – divorce can be a process of grieving
Amicable Separation – it need not be antagonistic
Renewed Independence – learning to cope without your partner
Issues around Co-Parenting – how to make it work for both partners and children
Renegotiating your Relationship – remaining friends
Getting Practical – simplifying the formalities

Let’s look at these aspects of divorce counselling in a little more detail.

AdobeStock 66687998 — Counselling can help you in the separation process and in constructing the foundation for a new relationship

Loss – Divorce and Grief

Dr Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s famous five stages of grieving – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are highly applicable to relationship break-ups. In a divorce, what dies is hope.

We pin our dreams and aspirations on our romantic relationships. We cannot help but draw a picture of future happiness built upon what that relationship will become.

When that structure comes crashing down, we can be left tearful in the rubble. Feelings of hopelessness, loss and depression are commonplace.

A counsellor can help you understand where you are in this process of recovery or at least prepare you for the negative emotions you will inevitably experience.

Amicable Separation

When Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin talked about their “conscious uncoupling”, it caused much hilarity amongst more cynical commentators.

This cynicism is understandable – break-ups are often painful, ugly, sad and disappointing.

However, it is also possible for two people to simply grow apart. When that happens, an amicable split can be achieved. It can even be seen as a positive move – the relationship worked for two people at a particular point in time; it simply isn’t right for them now.

What’s vital to minimise here is blame. It’s natural to feel that one or other party is responsible for the split, particularly then has been an infidelity or other betrayal.

However, insisting upon the judicial meeting out of blame will not help a couple achieve an emotional equilibrium or a place from which to collaborate (particularly if you still have to work together to look after children).

Without denying the validity of those feelings, a divorce counsellor can help you work through them and let their most negative presentations go.

Renewing Independence

For years, perhaps decades, you’ve had your partner to fall back on for comfort, support, help and sexual intimacy.

Now you are facing a life without that person, and it may feel like a piece of you is being severed. This is natural.

However, if you choose to separate, you will have to find, once again, that part of you that knows how to be single. The notion of a partner “completing one” isn’t necessarily a meaningless cliché, but nor is it especially helpful.

While adjusting to divorce or separation, you are entitled to focus on yourself and your own well-being (even if there are children to consider).

Hopefully, this process will present opportunities for new growth and discovery too.

A counsellor can help you find the strong, independent individual waiting to emerge.

Co-Parenting Challenges

One of the most contentious issues in divorce is parenting.

In acrimonious divorces, access to children can become a bargaining chip; this can only have a negative effect on vulnerable youngsters.

AdobeStock 67523899 1 — Divorce counselling helps to avoid fragmentation and promotes unity and care.

What children seek most is reassurance – that either parent won’t neglect them and that they are in no sense to blame for the split.

A relationship counsellor can give you the necessary tools to have those hard conversations with your children and provide the reassurances they need.

You should be able to find workable solutions to questions of access and support, and the counselling sessions are safe spaces in which to hold those conversations.

Becoming Friends

Particularly where children are involved, but not exclusively, there can be much value in keeping in touch with and continuing to offer some emotional support to your partner. This is in tension, however, with a psychological need to pull away and “stand on your own two feet”.

Divorce counselling can help you negotiate a new footing for your friendship, should you want (or need) to maintain contact with your ex-partner.

After all, you already share memories and experiences – need the slate necessarily be wiped clean of all you have learned and shared? A divorce counsellor can help you negotiate those difficult but necessary boundaries.

Getting Practical

A divorce lawyer is not an impartial observer of your separation. It is their job to win the best “deal” they can for their client. This can necessitate tough bargaining.

By contrast, a counsellor should be able to remain objective and help you work through the relational and emotional aspects of the sometimes-protracted legalities and formalities of your divorce.

Divorce and separation won’t ever be a walk in the park, but neither need it to be an endurance sport.