Having a baby is a transformative experience. It’s often talked about as one of the happiest times in a person’s life – but, as with most major life transitions, it can be a time of both lightness and darkness.
This Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, we’re shedding light on the importance of taking care of new mums’ mental health, and how therapy can support you as you embark on the journey of motherhood.
It is taboo to discuss the most challenging side of motherhood. Even today, it’s not widely acceptable to talk about the difficulties of pregnancy, birth trauma, and the pressures of becoming a mum. But these experiences are a reality for many women, and if you’re experiencing them, you are not alone.
Many women feel pressured to live up to an idealised “mother” archetype: a saintly, self-sacrificing, boundlessly compassionate figure. Pushing yourself to meet unrealistic ideals of perfection can lead to burnout and emotional depletion.
To be held, supported, and nurtured is not a luxury—it is a sacred necessity. Mothers carry the imprint of life itself, and they, too, must be cared for with reverence.
What is maternal mental health?
The phrase “maternal mental health” refers to the mental health of mothers.
Often, it’s used to particularly refer to the mental health of people who are pregnant, have just given birth, or are adjusting to their new life as a parent.
In this blog post, we’ll focus on those going through the process of becoming a mother, which can be, in itself, a kind of rebirth.
Many of those who have recently given birth suffer from postnatal depression or anxiety. Some also find that other mental health problems, like OCD or even psychosis, can begin during or after pregnancy.
The mental health charity Mind lists several reasons why some new mothers may struggle with mental health problems:
- You may have had mental health issues or difficult childhood experiences in the past, which are re-ignited by the upheaval of pregnancy and birth.
- Stigma or discrimination from society – perhaps due to your sexuality or race – could make you more vulnerable to mental health difficulties.
- A lack of support can also leave you more vulnerable.
- Your life may change in other unexpected ways at the same time as your transition into motherhood.
Sometimes, you may not know the reasons why you’re struggling with your mental health. There doesn’t have to be an obvious reason. However you feel is valid, and you do not need to feel ashamed for struggling while adjusting to your new life.
What is perinatal mental health?
“Perinatal” is a term you’ll hear a lot in relation to maternal mental health.
The prefix “peri” means “around” or “surrounding”, while “natal” refers to birth. So, perinatal mental health refers to mental health during the time surrounding the birth of a baby.
In the NHS, the term perinatal is used to refer to the whole pregnancy and about one year after birth.
This is distinct from postnatal mental health, which refers only to the time after a baby is born.
Read more about postnatal depression and “baby blues”.
The importance of maternal mental health
The perinatal period is an extremely vulnerable time for new parents. Becoming a mother isn’t only an emotionally and physically demanding time, but often a fundamental shift in a woman’s sense of self.
WHO estimates that approximately 10% of people who are pregnant and 13% of those who have just given birth experience the onset of mental health issues.
There is an even higher risk to mothers in developing countries, where as many as 20% of new mothers experience clinical depression.
The effects of this can be devastating. One 2015 report from the Royal College of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists found that around a quarter of maternal deaths between six weeks and a year after childbirth were related to perinatal mental health.
Left untreated and unsupported, maternal mental health issues can have a large intergenerational impact. Mothers who are struggling to care for themselves and their babies might run the risk of other health conditions, may struggle to breastfeed, and could even have problems with forming an attachment to their new child.
But perinatal anxiety and depression aren’t only important because of the impact they can have on babies and families. It’s also vital that we recognise the importance of taking care of new mothers themselves.
During this particularly vulnerable time of your life, you may feel isolated, afraid, or low. You may feel ashamed to feel this way when there is so much pressure on new mothers to feel joy and to appear to have everything under control.
This pressure that mothers feel to live up to a perfect standard can itself contribute to mums’ mental health issues. The truth is that you’re human – you cannot live up to an ideal.
It is natural to feel some conflicting or even overwhelming feelings while you are undergoing a major life transition. With a strong support network, perhaps including the help of an experienced therapist, you can thrive during this challenging time.
Maternal mental health support: How therapy can support new mothers
Therapy for mothers can be an essential part of the process of adjusting to your new role in life.
Counselling offers a non-judgemental space to share fears, worries, and negative thoughts. As a new mother, it can feel like you don’t have permission to share these challenging sides of parenting. Being able to share freely with a counsellor can be vital for maternal mental health.
You may be able to work with your therapist to identify the thought patterns and emotional dysregulation of perinatal depression and anxiety and develop healthy coping strategies for these issues.
Therapy also offers some holding care and support for you during a time when you may feel like you are overwhelmed by caring for and supporting someone else. It is vital to carve out some time for taking care of your own needs, and counselling can be one way of doing so.
With the support of a therapist, you may also be able to explore the depths of the role of motherhood: what does it mean to you to become a mother?
The “mother” archetype: The light and dark sides of motherhood
The Mother archetype is often revered as nurturing, forgiving, compassionate. Popular culture idealises this idea of all-caring, ever-patient, endlessly supportive mums.
However, the Mother archetype is not just the giver of unconditional love—she is also the keeper of deep, unconscious power. Though often idealised as patient and selfless, the Mother can also manifest as controlling, engulfing, or emotionally entangled. To know her is to see both her grace and her shadow.
Therapy can help you unpick your relationship with the “mother” archetype. It can help you understand: how does the way you were mothered shape the way that you approach mothering?
Which aspects of motherhood, light and shadow, are shaping you unconsciously?
In day-to-day life, it can feel like only the positive aspects of motherhood are welcome. But in therapy, you are free to discuss all of the realities of motherhood, including its most challenging side.
Motherhood and mental health: How to take care of yourself and thrive
As well as working with a qualified and experienced therapist, there are several things you can do to take care of your own needs and protect your mental health as you become a mother.
- Look after your own needs. As a new mother, it’s so important to make sure that you’re eating well, sleeping, and taking care of yourself as well as the baby. This may sound simple, but it can be easy to become overwhelmed when caring for someone else. Try making space for self-care tasks as much as you can.
- Lean on your support network. New motherhood can be an isolating experience. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your support network – which may include a therapist – when you’re struggling. Try joining groups of new parents in your area to connect with others who are going through similar experiences.
- Try not to engage with “mum guilt”. Mothers are often expected to be perfect, but you’re only human. It’s okay to show up in the best way you can. Trying to let go of shame and guilt will only be beneficial for your self-esteem and your overall mental health.
If you’d like to work with an experienced therapist to support your mental health as a new mother, Leone Centre can support you. You can book an appointment with our individual, couples, or family therapists in London or online.
- About the Author
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Co-founder and director of Leone Centre, 20+ years of experience supporting people, and offering valuable knowledge through Couples Counselling and Individual Counselling. Before becoming a therapist, I worked in the financial sector.