Therapy Blog

Dating & Relationships: Attracting The Love You Want

Posted on Thursday, February 18th, 2021 by Cristina Vrech

Knowing that you can find love, whether you’re single or in a relationship, is crucial. ‘Getting the love you want’ speaks well to this.

We all need human contact and social connections to feel happy and well. It’s often when we don’t feel happy or well that our relationships become strained, and the opposite is also true; when our relationships become strained, our happiness and well-being can deteriorate….It’s a self-perpetuating cycle.

To avoid getting caught up in it, communication is key. The way you communicate with others has the power to either attract love or turn people away.

Attracting Love

Some basics to get started:

  • Truly Listen – don’t think about what you’re going to say, don’t jump to assumptions; just listen. Once they’ve finished, try asking a question based on what they’ve just said. Asking open questions, as opposed to closed questions, is a great way to stimulate dialogue it also shows you’ve listened, and it indicates that you’re interested.
  • This is important even if you’re already in a relationship. In fact, in an existing relationship where the individuals involved know each other well, it can be easy to fall into the ‘assumption trap’, which is detrimental to listening.
  • Be Present – if you are not fully present, the other person will feel it. You’re more likely to connect with someone new or an existing partner when you’re present. If you find your mind wandering, try to revert it back to the present moment. 
  • Open Body Language – your body language has the power to express how you feel to the other person – you’re sending continuous signals to the other person. Try to avoid slouching, folding your arms, or any position that makes you seem small. Open body language is welcoming; it involves taking up space, uncross your legs and arms, making eye contact, lean forward instead of back. It sends a signal to others that you’re ready to welcome them into your life and learn more about them.
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Dating in COVID

The covid-19 pandemic has indeed changed the landscape for dating. CEO of the dating app Tinder, Elie Seidman, stated that the pandemic has had a dramatic effect on the way people use the dating app. In March 2020, the number of swipes by Tinder users reached an all-time high, and other dating platforms, such as Bumble, Hinge,, and OkCupid, observed a similar trend.

Whilst the coronavirus lockdown is changing how we date, perhaps even permanently, it’s good to consider the impacts of online dating.

Self-esteem  – dating apps involve evaluating other people’s profiles, which by their nature are merely surface summaries of what a person is like. Naturally, this can impact self-esteem and confidence and make users feel objectified.

Online dating apps give users the opportunity to ‘match’ with multiple people, a much greater amount than in person. Rejection is very high in online dating compared to non-digital world dating. A simple swipe is enough to express your interest; it’s just a matter of waiting to see how many responses you receive from potential matches. This can have an impact on self-esteem too.

Safety – make sure you can trust the person before sharing any details that could put you at risk.

Being Single

And last but not least, to honour the choice of being single. It is easy to fall into the cliché of being in a relationship. Choosing to be single, to attract love into your life that isn’t the romantic kind is okay too!

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