The midst of the festive season’s glittering splendour can magnify feelings of loneliness. For many, the emphasis on cherished family moments and meaningful gatherings can stir feelings of isolation and inadequacy. Those without a robust network of loved ones might find themselves grappling with a sense of not measuring up, feeling adrift amidst the season’s warmth. Amidst the joyous celebrations, the holiday spirit can paradoxically amplify a sense of absence and longing for connection.
For many people, spending an extended amount of time surrounded by lots of people and engaging in the typical festive activities such as going out, drinking and eating, doing group activities, and being very social can be exciting and joyous or full of anxious worries and expectations, energising or draining, or a bit of all.
Loneliness is a very common experience, and you can also feel lonely when surrounded by people. The expression “lonely in a crowd” exists for a reason. For those who have difficulty forming connections, social anxieties, or challenging family dynamics, the festive season can be particularly emotionally demanding.
Regardless of your social preferences, if you feel lonely at times, this is an entirely okay and shared human experience. By intentionally working to create more meaningful social connections, you can begin to cultivate a life which fulfils you.
The Difference Between Loneliness and Aloneness
Loneliness and aloneness might seem similar, but they are actually different experiences.
Loneliness is a feeling of sadness or emptiness when you wish you had more connection or company with other people. It is a sense of being isolated or not having the companionship you desire. It can make you feel sad, disconnected, or like something is missing in your life.
Aloneness, on the other hand, is simply being by yourself. It’s the state of being alone, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you feel lonely or sad. Aloneness can be enjoyable. It is when you’re comfortable being by yourself and may even find it refreshing or relaxing. You might use this time to reflect, recharge, or do things you enjoy without needing anyone else around.
In essence, loneliness is a feeling of sadness or emptiness when you wish for more connection, while aloneness is simply the state of being by yourself, which can be a positive and peaceful experience.
Building Meaningful Connections: Quality Over Quantity
“The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” Esther Perel
Fostering deeper, more meaningful relationships requires conscious attention. The first and most important relationship in all of our lives is the relationship with ourselves; by actively working towards authenticity, self-awareness and self-development – and an understanding of who you are and what you want – we can enrich our relationships.
Authenticity is a fertile ground for meaningful relationships. Do we feel that you can be authentic and still belong to a group, culture, family, or workplace? Or do you feel that in order to belong, you need to obey spoken or unspoken rules, fit into other people’s expectations of you, the norm and conform?
Cultivating superficial and transactional relationships is familiar and socially acceptable in today’s culture. Yet, these connections often lack depth and emotional resonance. Paradoxically, despite their ease of formation, these superficial ties frequently result in an acute sense of dissatisfaction and an amplified feeling of isolation.
Helpful ideas for developing meaningful relationships
- Active listening – by really listening to the other person and demonstrating that you are listening through your verbal and non-verbal cues (such as open, engaged body language, eye contact, and occasionally nodding or making noises or short statements of agreement or interest), you can create firmer bonds and emotionally connect with people.
- An open, positive mindset – by affirming to yourself that you are worthy of connection and that other people will want you in their lives, you cultivate a sense of self-assurance, which others will pick up on.
- Shared activities – coming together over a shared love of an activity or interest can be an incredibly effective way of bonding.
- Practising empathy – by practising empathy towards yourself and others, you allow others to feel safe and comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.
- Being honest – sharing your experiences and stories can help to build a connection, provided they are relevant. You may want to preclude your input with a recognition of what the other person has said. Don’t over-share intimate details, especially in a new relationship or inappropriate setting. Be mindful of the other person’s emotional capacity.
- Kindness and helpfulness – being kind to others, yourself, animals and nature is a great way to create feelings of positivity within yourself, which others will automatically be attracted to.
- Being actively helpful can also help you form bonds with others, showing your kindness and generosity.
The Compass for Navigating the Festive Season
Here are some tips:
- Embrace the festive buzz while honouring your comfort zones in social settings.
- Feeling drained amidst celebrations? It is okay to take a step back and recharge.
- The season’s demands can feel overwhelming, but remember, your well-being comes first.
- Choose gatherings that resonate with you and bring you joy.
- Prioritize self-care to cultivate lasting connections and nurture your own happiness.
- Setting healthy boundaries empowers you to create fulfilling relationships.
- Honouring your needs paves the way for genuine and meaningful connections.
Seeking Support Through Therapy
Counselling and therapy can play a significant role in addressing loneliness and fostering meaningful relationships. Professional individual, couples and family counselling is always a valuable and supportive process in your journey towards emotional well-being and social fulfilment.
Finding Balance in Connection and Solitude
Everyone’s social needs are different. By balancing your innately human need for meaningful connection with the ability to embrace aloneness, you can choose what feels suitable for you and ultimately centre authenticity and genuineness in all of your relationships – most crucially, the one with yourself. Approach this festive season and beyond with self-compassion and an open mind, whether you are seeking friendship or space.
- About the Author
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Co-founder and director of Leone Centre, 20+ years of experience in supporting people, and offering valuable knowledge through Couples Counselling and Individual Counselling. Before becoming a therapist, I worked in the financial sector.
Talk with a Leone Centre Professional
If you do feel like you need some help and support, our Leone Centre professionals are available 7 days a week. Call us on 020 3930 1007. We can also provide fast track therapy.
We can offer in-person counselling in London appointments at our head office in Fulham and our offices in Kensington, Wimbledon and Belgravia, We also service Victoria, Putney, Chelsea, Knightsbridge, Mayfair, and City of London.
In addition, we offer Online Therapy appointments wherever in the world you are located, should this better fit around your existing commitments or if you are not able to attend an in-person appointment.
