Living with ADHD
Imagine you’re having a conversation with a friend. You’re sharing a story, but their eyes drift to the window, their fingers tap against the table, and suddenly, they interrupt with a completely unrelated thought. Do they care? Are they even listening? Or is something else happening beneath the surface?
Living with ADHD—or loving someone who has it—is like learning the steps of an unfamiliar dance. The song is the same, but the rhythm is different. The tempo shifts unexpectedly. Sometimes, you move in perfect sync; other times, you step on each other’s toes. But when we take the time to understand the music, we can move together with grace rather than frustration.
What Is ADHD and How Does it Feel to Live in a Fast-Paced Mind?
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is often misunderstood as just an inability to focus, but it’s so much more than that. ADHD exists on a variable spectrum unique to the individual, yet it fundamentally shapes how they perceive the world and navigate daily life. At its core, ADHD is linked to dopamine regulation, which affects motivation, emotional intensity, memory processing and time perception. So, how does this translate into lived experience?
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For those with ADHD, the world doesn’t flow in a straight line – it ricochets. Time is not a steady march – it can move from lightning speed to a snail’s pace. Thoughts don’t queue politely but can burst in all at once, following the spotlight of interest. It can be the intensity of feeling everything all at once. The frustration of forgetting something important and the thrill of hyperfocus, where hours slip away like seconds. It’s deep sensitivity, quick emotional shifts, and a craving for novelty that keeps life exciting—and sometimes exhausting. Yet, this rich internal world isn’t always visible from the outside. Dopamine crashes can lead to indecision and even physical paralysis. Does your ADHD loved one seem lazy? Look closer.
While these characteristics may present challenges, they also bring creativity, spontaneity, and emotional depth—qualities that can make connections richer and more meaningful.
Why Understanding ADHD Changes Everything
Many ADHD individuals are no strangers to being misunderstood. They often long for acceptance and understanding, especially from those they trust. Often, friends and family are the support systems relied upon to provide a safe space for unmasking, where ADHD individuals seek relief from the constant pressure of monitoring their behaviour to match a heteronormative world.
ADHD can create patterns that feel confusing or even hurtful to others. A friend with ADHD might forget your birthday but remember every detail of a random conversation from years ago. They might snap out of nowhere due to overstimulation or look away and fidget when actively listening. A neurodivergent child might struggle with following instructions, not out of defiance, but because their brain processes them differently.
We often interpret behaviour through the lens of intention. But what if forgetfulness is not carelessness? What if impulsivity is not selfishness? What if someone’s struggle with routine is not laziness but a brain that resists structure?
How to Support Someone with ADHD
- Communication: Speak the Language of Clarity and Curiosity
ADHD brains thrive on clarity. When expressing needs, be direct but kind. Instead of, “You never listen to me,” try “I feel disconnected when I share something and you look away. Can we find a way to stay present together?”
Curiosity can also soften tension. Instead of assuming, try asking:
- “What helps you stay engaged in conversations?”
- “Would reminders feel supportive or frustrating for you?”
- Navigating Emotional Sensitivity and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)
Many ADHD individuals experience rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). This is a deep emotional reaction to direct or perceived criticism or exclusion. A small comment can feel like a storm, and a forgotten text can spiral into self-doubt.
Validation is immensely helpful in alleviating the pressure of RSD and helping an ADHD loved one regulate their emotions. When emotions rise, a simple “I see you, I hear you, and I care about how you feel” can bring calm. Gentle reassurance and consistency go a long way in creating safety.
- Creating Environments That Work for ADHD Minds
ADHD thrives in spaces that balance structure with flexibility. Instead of rigid rules, try adaptive strategies:
- Simplified Organisation: If they struggle with organisation, offer simple and visible systems (like open shelving rather than closed drawers). Logical habit stacking, like a colourful bowl by the door for keys, can also be helpful.
- Body Doubling: If focus and task completion is an issue, evidence shows that body doubling, a practice where you offer to complete a task alongside an ADHD individual, can help them bypass resistance to starting and continuing a task.
- Awareness of Overstimulation: Many individuals with ADHD have a heightened sensitivity to their environment, making them more prone to feeling overwhelmed. Triggers can include loud or repetitive noises, sticky textures and flashing lights. Offering them a moment to process, creating quiet spaces at home, and being mindful of sensory input can make a significant difference in their comfort and well-being.
- Time Blindness: If time blindness leads to lateness, use playful rather than punitive reminders. One effective, dopamine-driven method is “gamifying” the experience, for example, “Race you to be ready by 7!” instead of “Why are you always late?”.
- Learning to Embrace the Strengths of ADHD
While ADHD presents challenges, it also brings incredible gifts:
- Creativity: ADHD minds can often spot connections that others might miss, which lends itself to creative problem-solving and innovation.
- Spontaneity: This can bring energy and excitement to life.
- Deep Passion: When an ADHD individual loves something, they love it fully. They can bring dedication and deep care to activities, ideas and relationships, both platonic and romantic.
- Resilience and Compassion: Years of navigating a world that wasn’t designed for an ADHD mind builds strength and resilience. This experience can encourage greater social awareness as well as understanding of and compassion for others.
When we shift from frustration to appreciation, we begin to see ADHD not as a problem to be solved but as a rhythm to be understood, embraced and celebrated.
- Destigmatise Seeking Support
Therapy can offer a safe space for ADHD individuals to feel understood while developing strategies to navigate life’s challenges. An integrative therapeutic approach can provide guidance on managing executive function difficulties and leveraging unique strengths. It can also help families and loved ones deepen their understanding of ADHD and so become a stronger support system.
If a loved one with ADHD is struggling, feeling overwhelmed, or finding daily life difficult to navigate, it’s crucial they know that seeking therapy is not a sign of failure. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with them, nor does it force them into a limiting label. Instead, therapy is a vehicle for empowerment—providing the support they need to thrive.
The Power of Understanding
Relating to ADHD loved ones is about accommodating differences and deepening our capacity for connection.
To love someone with ADHD is to embrace their storm and sunshine. It’s to dance with their energy, meet them in their focus, and extend patience in their forgetfulness. It’s to celebrate the unique ways their brain lights up the world—because we all flourish when we see each other.
If you feel that your ADHD loved one could benefit from the right support, Leone Centre is here to help. We have experienced neurodivergence affirmative therapists available both in person in London and online.
- About the Author
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Co-founder and director of Leone Centre, 20+ years of experience supporting people, and offering valuable knowledge through Couples Counselling and Individual Counselling. Before becoming a therapist, I worked in the financial sector.