Imagine this: You’re standing in the wreckage of something you once built with care—perhaps a relationship, a career, a sense of self. The walls have crumbled, the familiar contours have vanished, and the only thing left is you, standing amid the rubble. What now?
This moment of pause before the next step, of asking yourself what comes next, is the space in which resilience is born. When harnessed and cultivated, it can be your superpower; your chance to rebuild, find meaning amongst the rubble, and grow through what could have stopped you. It’s not about suppressing emotion or pushing past loss, but about feeling it fully, processing it honestly, and still choosing to step back up after a fall.
Resilience allows us to adapt and keep moving, not by erasing where we’ve been, but by reimagining the next step forward.
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The Meaning of Resilience: More Than Just Pushing Through
When we talk about resilience, we often imagine endurance—the ability to push through hardship or adversity unchanged. But true resilience is more like growth than resistance. It’s how a plant leans toward the light after being battered by wind. It’s how roots deepen through the soil after a long winter. Resilience invites us not just to survive, but to evolve. This means letting our experiences shape us into feelings of greater capability instead of disillusionment.
It’s not about pretending we are fine when we are not. Resilience is not an elevated form of masking, dissociation, or suppression of emotions. It is about acknowledging the wound, tending to it, and allowing it to become part of our story without letting it become the whole story. The Japanese art of Kintsugi repairs broken pottery with gold, highlighting the cracks rather than hiding them. What if we embraced our own fractures with the same reverence?
Is Resilience an Innate Superpower or a Skill You Can Build? Can Therapy Help?
Resilience isn’t just something you’re born with, it’s a dynamic quality shaped by your experiences, mindset, habits, and environment. While some people may seem to bounce back more easily, resilience is less about innate toughness and more about what you cultivate over time. It grows like a muscle, strengthened not only through personal effort but also through the support of others. Our ability to persevere is deeply tied to our relationships, the stories we tell ourselves, and the courage to reach out when we need help. In this way, resilience becomes both a personal and collective strength—one you can intentionally build and nurture. Here are some ways to develop resilience in your own life:
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- Shift Your Mindset
• Reframe the narrative. What if your setbacks were not failures but invitations to growth?
• Practice optimism.Not blind positivity, but believing that setbacks are temporary and manageable.
• Develop a growth mindset. “I can learn from this” instead of “I failed.” - Embrace Flexibility
• Let go of rigid expectations. Adaptability isn’t weakness;it’s wisdom in motion.
• Allow room for change, both inside and out. Flexibility helps you move through uncertainty and discover new avenues forward you might not automatically consider. - Learn to Regulate Your Emotions
• Practice mindfulness, breathing exercises, or meditation to ground yourself.
• Learn to sit with your feelings rather than avoiding discomfort. Understand that resilience doesn’t mean you always feel good- it means moving forward even when you don’t.
• Honour your emotions. Strength is not the absence of struggle; it’s the willingness to feel and keep going with compassion. - Expose Yourself to Small Stresses
• Resilience is built through experience. Like training a muscle, facing manageable challenges builds your tolerance for discomfort.
• Doing this allows you to build trust in yourself and your capabilities so that when future setbacks arise, you are more likely to try and overcome them. - Reflect and Learn
• Growth lives in reflection. After a tough moment, ask: What did I learn? What helped me cope? What will I do differently next time?
• Journaling can help you track your growth, recognise patterns, and celebrate your progress. - Connect with Others: Resilience Thrives in Support
• We often mistake resilience for solitary strength—but it’s in connection that we truly grow stronger. Surround yourself with people who can hold space for you—whether to vent, reflect, or simply be seen.
• Leaning on a trusted support network protects your emotional reserves, reminds you you’re not alone and shifts your focus from the problem to possible solutions. As the proverb goes, “A problem shared is a problem halved”.
• Consider times you’ve felt most resilient. Was it in isolation? Or was it in moments where someone believed in you, listened to you and helped you see yourself anew? - Grow Resilience Through Therapy
• Seeing a therapist is an intentional way of extending your support network. Therapy offers a safe space to constructively explore your thoughts, feelings, and patterns, gaining a deeper understanding of how you face challenges in your life.
• In this non-judgmental space, the therapist can equip you with and help you monitor the best ways for you to process pain, build emotional awareness, and strengthen your capacity to cope and adapt.
- Shift Your Mindset
Resilience Works on a Feedback Loop
When you bring awareness and intention to building your resilience, it becomes something you can strengthen over time. Whether on your own or with the support of a therapist, it opens space to discover what truly helps you—whether that’s journaling, talking things through, moving your body, or simply taking a day to reset. With practice, emotional regulation becomes a conscious skill, and experience gradually shifts your perspective.
Each time life throws something difficult your way and you face it, learn from it, and recover—even imperfectly—you’re building resilience. Struggling through is still progress. You gain insight, emotional strength, and a deeper trust in your ability to persevere. These experiences don’t just shape you; they expand your capacity for future challenges.
You might not always feel resilient in the moment, but when you look back and say, “I couldn’t have handled this a few years ago,” that’s your resilience revealing itself. Reflecting on how far you’ve come can be more empowering than you expect.
In the words of Dr. Lisa Damour, clinical psychologist:
“Resilience is not a fixed trait. It’s the outcome of working through hardship—not avoiding it.”
Resilience and Therapy: Your Superpower in Motion
So, can resilience be your superpower? Yes, but not in the way you might expect. It’s not about being invincible but about being human. About accepting a fall by knowing you can rise. It is about carrying your past with wisdom, not weight, and recognising that you’ve already overcome every challenge life has brought you so far. It’s about embracing the fluid, evolving self that emerges and knowing it’s okay to lean on others as you move forward.
At Leone Centre, we don’t view resilience as an obligation to “stay strong” but as a living practice rooted in self-awareness, self-compassion, and meaningful connection. You are not just surviving—you are transforming. And that, more than anything, is a superpower worth embracing.
If you’re looking to build a more resilient self, whether in response to a specific challenge or as part of your personal growth, Leone Centre is here to support you. Our experienced individual, couples, family, and EMDR therapists are available both in-person in London and online.
- About the Author
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Co-founder and director of Leone Centre, 20+ years of experience supporting people, and offering valuable knowledge through Couples Counselling and Individual Counselling. Before becoming a therapist, I worked in the financial sector.