What Is Anger?
Anger is often treated as a problem to manage or an emotion to control. Yet anger itself is not the issue; it is one of the most human emotional responses we have and it is a signal that something meaningful is happening beneath the surface.
Anger arises when we experience threat, injustice, frustration, or the crossing of a personal boundary. It tells us that something feels wrong, unsafe, or intolerable.
While anger is frequently labelled as a “negative” emotion, it is not inherently harmful.
What matters is not whether we feel anger, but how we understand it, express it, and respond to it.
Subscribe to stay updated with the latest blog posts from Leone Centre.
When recognised and worked with consciously, anger can support clarity, self-respect, and healthier relationships.
When ignored or expressed destructively, it can quietly erode both emotional and relational wellbeing.
What Is the Purpose of Anger?
Anger exists for a reason. Beneath its intensity lies valuable information about our inner world. From both an evolutionary and psychological perspective, anger plays several essential roles in human functioning.
Anger as a Secondary Emotion: The Pain That Lies Beneath
Anger rarely arrives alone. It is often the most visible emotion, but not the first one. To understand anger fully, it helps to look beyond what is visible.
In psychology, anger is often described as a secondary emotion, meaning it is rarely the first feeling we experience in response to a situation. Beneath anger, we frequently find pain and hurt that hasn’t been acknowledged, disappointment that hasn’t been named, or grief that hasn’t been given space.
Alongside pain, there is often fear. For example, the fear of being dismissed, powerless, unsafe, or unseen. These more vulnerable emotions can feel difficult to tolerate, particularly when we lack support, safety, or language to express them.
In this sense, anger functions as a protector. It steps in when vulnerability feels too exposed. It creates strength where there is hurt, and action where there is fear. Rather than being a problem in itself, anger often signals that something tender underneath needs attention, care, or protection.
Understanding anger, then, is not about suppressing its intensity, but about learning to look past it and ask what it is defending.
Anger is a Survival Mechanism
From an evolutionary perspective, anger is part of our survival system. When we perceive danger or unfair treatment, the body activates the fight-or-flight response. Stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol increase heart rate, sharpen focus, and prepare us to act.
While modern threats are often emotional rather than physical, the nervous system responds in much the same way. Anger alerts us that something feels unsafe or unjust and requires attention.
Anger is a Signal for Change
Anger often points toward something meaningful beneath the surface, such as:
- Boundaries being crossed
- Core values being violated
- Emotional or practical needs going unmet
- Situations that feel unjust, unsafe, or overwhelming
Rather than being purely destructive, anger can act as a powerful guide by highlighting where attention, action, or change is needed in our lives.
Anger is Communication
Anger is also a form of emotional communication. It tells us where we can no longer adapt, tolerate, or remain silent.
When expressed calmly, clearly, and respectfully, anger can strengthen relationships, encourage honesty, and support mutual understanding rather than conflict. When it is dismissed or distorted, its message is lost, and the cost is often paid elsewhere.
“To be clear, anger isn’t dysfunctional. Anger is a powerful, healthy, necessary, and motivating force. Dysfunction arises when you use your anger to hurt yourself or others.”
Katherine Morgan Schafler, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, p. 21
When Anger Goes Unexpressed, or Becomes Destructive
Anger that is neither acknowledged nor contained does not disappear. It changes form, and in doing so, it reshapes relationships.
Unexpressed anger often turns inward. It becomes silence instead of language, emotional distance instead of dialogue. Over time, this can show up as resentment, withdrawal, burnout, or a quiet loss of intimacy. Relationships suffer not because conflict is too loud, but because it is never allowed to exist.
Destructively expressed anger has a different but equally damaging impact. When anger is communicated through aggression, blame, contempt, or intimidation, it overwhelms the relational space. The other person becomes fearful or defensive, and meaningful communication shuts down. Safety is compromised, and repair becomes difficult.
In both cases, the damage is relational.
What goes unspoken hardens into resentment.
What is expressed without care creates fear and rupture.
Anger is meant to signal a boundary, not destroy a connection. Learning to express anger in ways that are firm yet respectful is essential for maintaining trust and emotional safety.
Is Anger a Bad Emotion?
Anger is often misunderstood as something dangerous that must be suppressed or eliminated. In reality, anger is neutral. Its impact depends on how it is experienced and expressed.
Anger becomes problematic when it is:
- Repressed or ignored
- Expressed aggressively or destructively
- Left unprocessed over long periods of time
When approached with curiosity rather than judgment, anger can motivate positive change, support assertiveness, and improve emotional well-being.
How Anger Affects the Body and Mind
Anger is not only emotional; it is physiological.
When anger is triggered:
- Adrenaline and cortisol are released
- Heart rate and blood pressure increase
- Muscles tense and breathing becomes shallow
While occasional anger is not harmful, chronic or unprocessed anger keeps the nervous system in a state of heightened alert. Over time, this can contribute to stress-related physical symptoms such as:
- Tension headaches
- Jaw or muscle pain
- Digestive discomfort
- Fatigue or disrupted sleep
The body often carries what the mind has learned to suppress.
Gender and Cultural Differences in Anger Expression
The way anger is expressed and perceived varies widely across genders and cultures.
Anger and Gender Expectations
- Men are often socialised to express anger more openly, sometimes equating it with strength or assertiveness. While this can normalise anger, it may discourage vulnerability or the expression of emotions such as sadness or fear.
- Women are frequently taught to prioritise harmony and emotional caretaking, which can lead to suppressing anger to avoid being labelled “difficult” or “aggressive.” Over time, this suppressed anger may emerge as resentment, self-doubt, or emotional exhaustion.
Cultural Influences
Some cultures discourage open displays of anger in favour of maintaining group harmony, while others are more accepting of passionate emotional expression. These norms shape how individuals experience, interpret, and manage anger throughout their lives.
Creating space for open, compassionate conversations about anger helps challenge restrictive norms and supports healthier emotional balance.
Signs You May Be Struggling with Anger Issues
Anger is a normal emotion, but it may signal deeper challenges if it becomes overwhelming or disruptive. You may be struggling with anger issues if you notice:
- Frequent outbursts or difficulty calming down
- Persistent irritability or frustration over small issues
- Holding onto grudges or resentment
- Verbal or physical aggression
- Feelings of regret, guilt, or shame after angry reactions
- Stress, anxiety, or physical symptoms linked to anger
Recognising these signs is an important first step toward understanding and addressing anger more effectively.
How to Process Anger in Healthy Ways
Processing anger does not mean acting it out or pushing it away. It involves acknowledging the emotion, exploring its roots, and expressing it in ways that are constructive rather than harmful.
- Journalling: Writing helps untangle thoughts and release emotional tension
- Physical activity: Movement discharges built-up stress and energy
- Breathing and mindfulness: Slowing the breath calms the nervous system. Read our blog to learn more about mindfulness.
- Creative expression: Art, music, or writing offer non-verbal emotional outlets
- Setting boundaries: Clear limits prevent resentment from building
- Talking it through: Sharing with a trusted person or therapist brings clarity and perspective
- Identifying triggers: Recognising patterns reduces reactivity
- Assertive communication: Expressing needs respectfully prevents escalation
- Taking time out: Stepping away allows emotions to settle before responding
- Practising self-compassion: Accepting anger as human softens self-judgement
Often, anger sits on top of deeper emotions such as fear, hurt, grief, or unmet needs. Exploring what lies beneath can be profoundly transformative.
Mindfulness and Anger Management
Mindfulness can be a helpful way to work with anger by slowing down our reactions and increasing awareness of what is happening in the present moment.
“Mindfulness allows us to bring awareness to where emotions are felt in the body.” – Cristina Lorefice, Leone Centre Therapist.
By noticing physical sensations such as tightness, heat, or tension, this awareness creates space to pause, reflect, and relate to anger with greater calm and compassion.
We might ask ourselves gentle, reflective questions such as:
- What emotions am I feeling underneath this anger?
- What needs are not being met?
- Is something important to me being threatened?
- What do I need right now?
- How can I support myself and others involved?
Mindfulness does not eliminate anger. It helps us listen to it without being overtaken by it.
Therapy for Anger Management
For those who experience persistent anger or difficulty expressing emotions, therapy can offer meaningful support. Working with a therapist can help you:
- Understand the underlying causes of anger
- Develop emotional regulation skills
- Challenge unhelpful thought patterns
- Learn healthier ways to express and process emotions
Therapy provides a safe, non-judgemental space to explore anger with curiosity rather than shame, and to build more balanced, compassionate responses.
At Leone Centre, our experienced therapists offer both online and in-person counselling to support individuals seeking to understand and work with anger in healthier, more empowering ways.
Listening to Anger with Care
Anger is not something to fear or silence. It is a signal that illuminates our boundaries, values, and unmet needs.
When listened to with care and responded to thoughtfully, anger can deepen self-awareness, strengthen relationships, and support both emotional and physical wellbeing. Rather than pushing anger away, consider what it may be trying to communicate.
With understanding, reflection, and the right support, anger can become a powerful tool for growth rather than a source of harm.
- About the Author
- Latest Posts
Co-founder and director of Leone Centre, 20+ years of experience supporting people, and offering valuable knowledge through Couples Counselling and Individual Counselling. Before becoming a therapist, I worked in the financial sector.