The Roots of Addiction: Understanding Pain and the Path to Healing

Roots of Addiction

Addiction isn’t simply a craving for substances or behaviours. Instead, it’s often a response to unaddressed emotional wounds. Whether the addiction is to alcohol, shopping, or social media, these patterns emerge as attempts to soothe deeper, unmet needs. Addiction impacts not only the individual but also those around them, creating ripples that affect families, friendships, and communities. However, healing is possible with understanding and support.

Why Does Addiction Happen?

Addiction doesn’t come from weakness or lack of willpower. It’s a human response to pain, loneliness, or inner wounds that may be rooted in various life experiences:

• Early Life Experiences: Childhood trauma, neglect, or loss can prime the mind to seek comfort in addictive behaviours as a way of coping with deep-seated pain.
• Mental Health: For many, addiction acts as a temporary escape from anxiety, depression, or emotional struggles.
• Cultural Norms: Society often glamorises drinking, consumerism, or success at any cost, making it difficult to discern healthy boundaries.
• Social Influence: Addiction can reflect the dynamics of our closest relationships, as we’re influenced by the actions and values of those around us.
• External Stressors: Financial stress and high-stress environments can push individuals toward addiction.

When we look at these factors, addiction becomes not a personal failing but a complex, recognisable response to the challenges of being human.

Recognising Different Forms of Addiction

Addiction manifests in many ways, affecting physical health, personal relationships and mental well-being. While substance addictions (like alcohol or nicotine) are well-known, behavioural addictions—such as compulsive shopping, gambling, or excessive screen time—can be just as disruptive.

Despite their differences, all forms of addiction share a common pattern: a repeated and intense compulsion to engage in behaviour that feels beyond one’s control, often leading to conflict, isolation, and distress, even when faced with negative consequences.

Examples of common addictions include:

• Alcohol
• Nicotine
• Prescription Medications
• Stimulants
• Technology and Social Media
• Gambling
• Shopping
• Food and Caffeine
• Exercise
• Sexual Behaviours
• Porn Addiction

Habit or Addiction? A Fine Line

Sometimes, a habit can cross into addiction. But how do you tell the difference?

A habit is a repeated action you can control, such as enjoying a morning coffee or winding down with a TV show. Habits can be positive, neutral, or slightly annoying but typically don’t interfere significantly with daily life.

Addiction involves a loss of control. When a behaviour becomes compulsive—driven by an urge to continue despite harm—it may be classified as an addiction. Unlike habits, addictions can feel overwhelming and are challenging to stop without external support.

• Control: Habits are generally manageable, while addictions feel uncontrollable.
• Impact: Habits don’t disrupt daily life; addictions bring consequences—strained relationships, health issues, or emotional struggles.
• Emotional Toll: Habits may cause mild guilt, but addiction often carries heavier feelings of shame and helplessness.

To help differentiate, consider:

1. Is this behaviour negatively impacting my life or relationships?
2. Am I hiding my behaviour or taking risks?
3. Do I feel anxious when I try to stop?

If you cannot stop a behaviour causing harm, this awareness can be the first step towards seeking help.

The Emotional Experience of Addiction

Addiction is deeply intertwined with emotions—guilt, shame, sadness, fear. Those struggling with addiction often feel trapped, recognising the harm but unsure how to break free.

Common Emotions and Thoughts Experienced by Individuals with an Addiction

1. Shame: This can create a barrier to seeking help and result in further isolation. “I don’t deserve anyone’s support.” “I’m a disappointment.”
2. Helplessness: Relying on an addictive behaviour for relief can cause feelings of being trapped in a cycle of dependence. “I can’t live without it.” “I’ve tried to stop before, but I always fail.”
3. Sadness: Mourning lost opportunities and damaged relationships can intensify feelings of despair. “Nobody understands what I’m going through.” “I’ve ruined so many chances to be happy.”
4. Fear: Anxiety about health problems and financial instability can lead individuals to prioritise their addictive behaviours: “I’m terrified of what will happen if I try to quit.”
5. Guilt: Reflecting on past actions can intensify guilt and lower self-esteem, perpetuating the cycle of addiction. “I’ve hurt the people I care about.” “I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done.”

Talking openly about these feelings, whether in therapy or with supportive loved ones, can be a powerful first step toward healing.

The Impact on Loved Ones

Addiction isn’t an isolated experience; it affects families, friends, and partners, often blurring boundaries and eroding trust. Loved ones may feel trapped in the role of “fixer,” leading to emotional exhaustion, particularly if your loved one is not seeking to change their addictive behaviours. Common challenges for loved ones include:

1. Loss of Identity: Loved ones often struggle to maintain their sense of self while managing the addict’s behaviour.
2. Increased Control and Fear: Family members may resort to controlling behaviours to create order amid chaos.
3. Communication Breakdown: Strained communication can leave loved ones feeling unheard and anxious.
4. Trust Erosion: Broken promises can erode trust and lead to grief over lost connections.
5. Role Reversal: Family roles may blur, complicating dynamics as children take on inappropriate responsibilities.
6. Over-involvement and Enabling: Tolerating unacceptable behaviours can hinder recovery efforts.
7. Shame and Embarrassment: Families may ignore or deny addiction, creating an unspoken “elephant in the room” that leads to isolation.
8. Social Withdrawal: Stigma can reduce social support, deepening feelings of loneliness.
9. Fear and Anxiety: Worrying about the addict’s health or behaviour can emotionally exhaust loved ones.

If you’re supporting someone through addiction, remember that maintaining your well-being is equally important. Self-care, counselling and support groups can offer relief and a safe space to express your feelings, process your emotions, and connect with others who understand, all while upholding your well-being.

Breaking Through the Stigma

Recognising addiction is a liberating step, often marked by reaching out to a therapist or support group, as facing these challenges alone can feel insurmountable and overwhelming. The stigma around addiction can be one of the most significant barriers to recovery. Shame, guilt, and fear of judgment often prevent people from reaching out. However, addiction is a human issue, not a character flaw. By seeking help—whether through therapy, peer support, or trusted friends—individuals can begin to break the cycle of isolation and shame.

“Once a person admits to themselves that they have an addiction, the most courageous and important next step, would be to reach out for specialist support. Taking that difficult first step, will enable them to embark on a personal journey of recovery and healing. Sustaining their recovery will be easier, if they can allow themselves to continue receiving support from others who understand addiction.” – Stelios Christodoulou, Leone Centre Therapist.

Steps Toward Change

Recovery doesn’t happen overnight. It starts with self-compassion and small, deliberate steps. When considering if you’re ready to take this initial step, remember to:

1. Identify Barriers to Seeking Help Fear of judgment, past experiences, and shame can hinder support. Practicing self-compassion can ease these feelings.
2. Broaden Support Networks Support isn’t one-size-fits-all. Explore peer groups or community resources to find what resonates with you.
3. Address Shame in Recovery Recognise and acknowledge shame when it arises. Each connection with someone who understands helps loosen shame’s grip.
4. Practical Steps to Seeking Help: Identify a trusted person, write your thoughts, and consider contacting therapeutic resources. Every step counts.
5. The Power of Asking for Help: Asking for help demonstrates courage and commitment to change. Each outreach breaks the cycle of isolation, and every connection can help lessen the grip of addiction.

Addressing addiction can be challenging, and self-care is essential. This includes setting boundaries, establishing routines, and engaging in activities that promote emotional resilience. Practising self-compassion and maintaining realistic expectations about progress is also important. For individuals facing addiction, professional support such as counselling and support groups play an important role in establishing and maintaining self-care practices that reinforce addressing addictive behaviours.

Therapy can offer a safe space to explore the roots of addiction, set realistic goals, and build resilience for long-term change. At Leone Centre, our therapists are here to provide compassionate support for individuals and couples working through complex addiction challenges, helping facilitate healing and meaningful connections.

Interested in Learning More?

To explore how early life experiences can contribute to the development of addictive behaviours, this insightful video narrated by addiction and trauma expert Gabor Maté offers interesting further discussion.