Communication in relationships

Posted May 18, 2022 by Cristina Vrech

Cristina Vrech - Individual and couples therapist

Cristina Vrech

Founder and Director - Individual & Couple Therapist, Corporate Services

Co-founder and director of Leone Centre, Cristina Vrech, has 20+ years of experience in working and supporting people, 14+ years of extensive experience as a therapist and offers valuable knowledge to individuals and couples. Prior to being a therapist, she worked in the financial sector.

Cristina takes a down-to-earth and direct approach across the landscapes of relationships, communication, stress, infidelity, confidence, loneliness, addiction, separation and divorce, IVF, and anxiety.

Offering Online Counselling and in person counselling.

Cristina Vrech can help with...

Communication in Relationships

The vital nutrient that enables them to grow and flourish. Being able to compassionately communicate, broadens your understanding of your own needs and allows you to listen to the needs of others. From this informed position, you can build on a foundation of mutual trust and understanding, which is unique to every relationship.

Susan Cain, emphasises in her book – Quiet Power, the secret strengths of introverts – “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Effective communication requires equal amounts of sharing and active listening. When all parties within a relationship have space and time to talk, listen and respond, an environment for healthy communication is created.

In some instances, where there is a lack of communication in a relationship, the support of a trained counsellor can revive the concord needed to enrich healthy communication. Learning how to communicate in a relationship is a lifelong endeavour which asks you to remain in a state of continuous empathy.

Although we may not agree with the point another person is making, when empathy is applied to the conflict, it opens up the doors to understanding. Accepting that everyone has blind spots, provides alleviation, from the exhausting act of tightly attaching onto a belief. Relationships are mirrors, remaining open to the possibility of illuminating blind spots, gears the conversation towards resolution.

Healthy relationships

Relationship conflict can be triggering for many reasons and is primarily associated with past wounds inflicted by poor communication experiences. A person may withdraw from a conversation if in the past, communicating their needs led to a feeling of abandonment. Equally, someone may immediately raise their voice if a disagreement ensues, their heart rate speeds up rapidly, due to repeat past exposure to aggressive communication.

Avoiding Commitment

Being able to identify your triggers and develop a vocabulary around them, will eventually forge new ways of communicating which foster growth. Engaging in authentic connection with other people, produces larger amounts of the feel good hormone Oxytocin, which can be incredibly beneficial for the regulation of the nervous system.

How does communication affect relationships at work?

Communication skills strengthen the bond of trust with co-workers and other professionals that you work with, which supports collaboration, productivity and job satisfaction. Practising authentic relating in every interaction, however small, has a positive impact on our ability to accurately communicate in every relationship. With an abundance of practice, healthy communication, given it is exercised in a fertile environment, becomes more and more natural.

Essentially, you already know everything that you have to say, but sometimes you need a reminder. When you show up to an interaction with the intention of listening to truly understand, both yourself and the other parties, you learn something new every time. This enhances the quality of your life within the context of work and your personal relationships.

Advocating active listening does not mean that you silence your own voice. Finding the balance between speaking with sincerity and listening intently is a complex, yet rewarding human conundrum. It is important to remember to have patience with developing your communication skills. Making mistakes is how we learn.

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Lacking communication in a relationship

Communication is much more than the words we use, the human brain interprets the majority of a message from body language and tone of voice. Ohlin outlines; unhealthy verbal communication often starts with negative thoughts or difficult emotions rather than words. Anticipating how a person may react in certain situations and potentially taking that reaction personally, may lead to missing an opportunity to re-discover them. Healthy communication in relationships is nurtured by remaining curious, about who the other person really is and how they see the world.

The way you relate to yourself determines all your other relationships. Leone Centre relationship counselling helps individuals and couples to improve the way they relate to themselves and to each other. Strong interpersonal relationships need kindness, commitment and honesty. Within a supportive and non judgemental environment, our therapists and counsellors help couples and individuals to overcome a broad range of challenges including communication in relationships.

Relationship communication quotes

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” – Roy T. Bennett

“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.” – Shannon L. Alder

“Communication sometimes is not what you first hear, listen not just to the words, but listen for the reason.” – Catherine Pulsifer