Parenting is often idealised as a journey of pure joy and fulfilment, yet the reality is far more nuanced. Parenthood can be a transformative experience, marked by challenges that test our resilience and relationships as much as it can offer moments of connection and meaning. For many, the transition into parenting brings into sharp focus the importance of mental health and the value of a solid, supportive relationship.
Carlene Harvey, an experienced individual and couples therapist, has spent years supporting adults as they navigate the complexities of parenting. In this interview, she shares her insights into how therapy can help parents manage the emotional demands of their roles, strengthen their relationships, and create environments that nurture children and the parents themselves.
What is your therapeutic background and professional experience, specifically in supporting parenting?
Over the past two decades, I’ve worked with individuals and couples from diverse backgrounds. My work has consistently revealed that the quality of relationships—both with oneself and with others—profoundly impacts how people experience parenting and children’s well-being. My training in couples therapy and my lived experience as a parent have deeply informed my approach.
Parenthood brings mental and relational challenges, and I focus on supporting individuals and couples to strengthen their connections with themselves and each other. In this context, I do not work directly with children, but the focus on strengthening the parental relationship often has a ripple effect, benefitting the entire family dynamic.
How does therapy provide practical and emotional support for parents?
Therapy offers parents a safe and reflective space to pause and gain clarity amidst the pressures of daily life. It’s about more than just self-care; it’s an opportunity to explore the deeper patterns of behaviour and communication that influence how we parent and relate to others. Many of us instinctively draw on the parenting styles we experienced growing up, and therapy can help unpack these influences to create more intentional and conscious approaches.
Parents often face challenges such as managing emotional triggers, balancing personal ambitions with parenting, and navigating co-parenting dynamics. Therapy offers tools and strategies to address these issues, helping parents present a united front and develop emotional intelligence—both for themselves and as a model for their children. Importantly, therapy emphasises that perfection isn’t the goal. As theorist Donald Winnicott highlighted, being “good enough” as a parent truly matters.
Through self-reflection and intentional effort, therapy empowers parents to create a supportive environment where everyone’s needs can be met. This approach helps parents manage the stresses of family life and cultivates resilience, connection, and balance in their roles.
How do you approach diversity in parenting contexts within therapy?
Parenting is a deeply personal journey; no two experiences are the same. I work with a diverse range of couples and individuals, including single parents, blended families and LGBTQI, as well as those navigating cultural or religious differences. Each context brings challenges, whether it’s feelings of isolation, managing conflicting values, or seeking acceptance within broader communities. For parents living abroad or without nearby family support, therapy can also provide a vital space to process loneliness and explore ways to build a supportive network.
The focus is on understanding each parent’s unique circumstances and recognising their strengths. Therapy helps parents feel more confident and empowered in their roles by offering tailored support, feedback and practical suggestions.
What advice do you offer couples experiencing strain in their relationship due to parenting?
Parenting can strain relationships immensely, often pushing the couple’s connection to the background. I encourage couples to prioritise their relationship alongside their parenting roles. Self-care, teamwork, and communication are essential, as is acknowledging that the balance of responsibilities will naturally shift over time. Therapy provides couples with tools to delegate tasks effectively, manage conflict, and nurture their relationship amidst the demands of family life.
Respite and shared responsibilities are key to managing these demands. By carving out time for one another—whether through shared activities or meaningful communication—couples can replenish their energy and strengthen their bond. Tapping into available support networks can also help alleviate pressure and create space to focus on their relationship and investment, which benefits everyone involved.
What about couples going through divorce and separation?
Divorce and separation can be deeply challenging, especially when children are involved. Therapy focuses on helping parents navigate co-parenting, even after the romantic relationship has ended, as how they collaborate will significantly impact their children. This involves setting boundaries, managing conflict, and communicating effectively to minimise harm.
Presenting a united front can be difficult in practice, particularly during emotionally charged situations. Parents are encouraged to pause, manage heightened emotions, and respond mindfully rather than impulsively. The goal is to create a stable environment for children and develop healthy relationships with both parents. Preventing parental alienation is key. Despite feelings of blame or shame that may arise, shielding children from conflict allows them to maintain love and respect for both parents. With mindful effort, families can navigate this transition and provide children with a healthier, more positive foundation for the future.
What advice do you give parents of teenagers struggling to manage shifting family dynamics?
Parenting teenagers can be particularly challenging as families navigate shifting dynamics and adolescents explore independence. Many of us forget how emotionally overwhelming and out of control being a teenager can feel. This stage requires open communication and a supportive, solid family foundation, even as teenagers naturally shift their focus toward peers.
When teenagers rebel, push boundaries, or test riskier behaviour, communication often breaks down. Instead of reacting or trying to control, parents should aim to listen, understand, and remain available. This helps teenagers know they can experiment and grow within the safety of their families. Therapy can provide parents with tools to maintain connection and authority without becoming reactive.
I often recommend Nicola Morgan’s “Blame My Brain” to help parents understand the neurological and social changes during adolescence. Educating themselves on this topic encourages empathy and equips parents to support their teenagers while preserving a secure, loving family environment.
What role does neurodiversity play in your work with parents and couples?
Neurodiversity reflects the natural variation in how humans think, feel, and experience the world. We all fall within this spectrum, and we are then described as falling into the category of neurotypical or neurodivergent. Whether a parent is neurodivergent, parenting a neurodivergent child, or both, therapy can help families embrace and celebrate these differences while addressing challenges.
For couples where one or both partners are neurodivergent, therapy focuses on developing understanding, valuing each partner’s strengths, and working together through challenges. When parents navigate their child’s neurodivergence, they emphasise creating an environment where the child feels accepted and supported. This includes helping parents manage transitions, address sensory or social needs, and avoid the pitfalls of labelling or limiting their child.
In honour of Parent Mental Health Day, we wanted to explore the topic of parenthood and both the challenges and opportunities it can present when considering mental health. Parenting is a journey that evolves with time, and therapy offers the tools to approach it with mindfulness, resilience, and compassion. Carlene Harvey’s work reflects the power of connection—to ourselves, our partners, and our children—in navigating the beautiful complexity of parenthood.
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To learn more about Carlene Harvey, visit her profile. If any topics in this interview resonate with you, the Leone Centre offers experienced therapists to support you through individual, couples, or family therapy, both online and in person.
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Co-founder and director of Leone Centre, 20+ years of experience supporting people, and offering valuable knowledge through Couples Counselling and Individual Counselling. Before becoming a therapist, I worked in the financial sector.
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